MIX ME, Fix me.

So I have found some music as of recent which I have taken a great liking to. Brand New, whom has released an album as of November 21st. My favorite album is Deja Entendu however this album seems quite impressive as well. I have listened to it as a teenage girl may idolize Elvis in days of old or, Bon Jovi, or maybe even someone such as Ashlee Simpson. I have played a song Okay I believe you but my tommy gun don't at least, wait for it .... well probably over fifty times over the past two or three weeks. Today I heard their song Jesus Christ for the first time, and took the liberty to watch every youtube fan video made, I think 4 .... for now. I do not know of their affiliation and placement of their beliefs and followings, however they seem to be a clean band and I enjoy them both musically, in an instrumental sense, and lyrically. I will soon post some lyrics that have been whispering in the back of my mind, however remote that place is. So this post is truely of mixed up feelings and not just of my musical taste of these days. Let me speak to 10N311N355 of which creeps at every corner, it is more than just a great stalker, it is something of a temptress. This individual if that is what he is to be called does indeed come to me on a daily and nightly basis to whisper to me and let me know of the people whom alledgedly do not care about me. Alienating them from my lives in this intricate plan is not my intention. To those of you whose eyes meet with these words, these are indeed for you. These words are definitely for all of you whom I care about, but have entered into a classification of obsolete of sorts, and you should know that this has happened not as a result of my feelings for you, nor because of your actions, but because I have accepted some of the shadows of deception which has come from him whom I call 10.3.3 as referenced above. You read these words with a chuckle in your inner parts, not to be shared with anyone around you because you are not sure whether this is a laughing matter, the only laughing matter is my exuberant use of cryptic language. Vagueness is my closest friend in the realm of the written world. Vagueness fuels my soul, for this reason my greatest inability is to effectively accomplish large academic written pursuits. I have my insecurities when thinking of these distances from me achieving the things which I have set out to do, something however presses me to continue. these words somehow never fall into an abyss of the world wide web but are soaked by someone's eyes at some point beyond my own which take great delight and pride in what they see as they come into existance. The days are quickly drawing near of a decision that will be made of me and as I have been informed I am academically worthy of graduate studies, and as I heard these words from a man who has been teaching for 40+ years, and deciding should be part of graduate studies for some amount of time, I was greatly prided in my accomplishments. I have had some recent torn emotions in regards to life, and social interaction. I have been very much involved on a regular basis with something called Second Life. It has presented much thought for me in what types of ways I can interact with different people who are so readily available. All the while my real life, of which requires physical activity is melting. Salvador Dali, is not a person I have personally known, nor someone I had the oppurtunity to meet, however his paintings specifically his melting clocks painting reminds me of my own time being spent at the present time. I have been working, however have not yet received any compensation for my work, this is a matter waiting to be dealt with in time, which I am patient to wait. I have the knowledge that I have made it through undergraduate studies unscathed from the word loan. The oddest piece in regards to this is the dubious nature to whether I actually could remain so unscathed even through my graduate studies. I would have to come up with two thousand dollars each semester, which to some is more than they would like to think about, however it is feasible with a correct income. The program which I am embarking upon is a difficult path to begin, however I am ready and willing to fight all the way through for success and accomplish all tasks at hand. I write these words as well just as a quick reminder whether I have mentioned it previously or not, for those people who do not quite have people that jump at the chance to involve them in their lives. I actually ask, almost to the degree of beg, people to keep me in mind when they have something planned. I am very upfront to let people know that I am ready to hang out and be there when they have a plan. The opposite never worked either. Here is the dillemma, I can not ask people to hang out and additionally not ask people to notify me about anything, I have tried this and it does not foster a great environment of healthy social interaction, indeed there is none. If I ask people to go places and hang out, and do not ask them to let me know of when they have something planned, I am being one sided, however occasionally they will join, but rarely. If I ask people to inform me of when they are doing something, and do not offer them any oppurtunities to hang out with me, then my options are placed in their hands, and I am AlMoSt NeVeR invited. If I do both I am seen as pushy and too much of an enthusiast, I have tried all. I would like to know how it is that people whom get to know me "eventually" like me for who I am and what type of person I can be in a personal and group setting however I have the inability or rather incredibly handicapped ability to accomplish friendship with people whome are at first getting to know me. Superficiality is not my pattern nor my desire. I choose to be open with people and freely allow the reciprocity of such an attitude. I shall be open and wish the same. Friends where are you? miles away? not you... where are you Oh new friends whom I am to meet? Let me assure you I am real, I am honest, and I am a man of integrity, it can be easily accounted for. I shall embark upon my mission of coffee shop community building 1.0... This story is not over. You have yet to hear even half ... this is just a spoonfull of a sample of what is to come. You think you have had enough? You don't know what having it is. I can bring it, and I will. You want more, you've made it this far? Let me know if that is the case.